Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Facebook death of Bryn Oh - Day one

 Dear Friendslist
 
     Sadly I went into Facebook today for a routine checkup and came out with a rather grim prognosis.  Dr Facebook informs me that Bryn Oh is not well.  I said "Dr Facebook please just give me the news quick, I can take it!".   He took off his very thick nerdy glasses, rubbed his eyes and said... "It does not look good Bryn.  In fact you have just seven days to live".   Had I not already been sitting down at my computer then I would have sat down heavily at the news.  "How is this possible?  I feel fine.. I exercise.. I post regularly.. I like things on occasion. I even poked someone once.  Tell me doctor what am I stricken with?".       He looked at me for a moment and said quietly... "Who are you?"   I was taken aback.  "Well I am Bryn Oh of course.  We have known each other for five years since 2010.  You delivered me when I was born...well born to Facebook  Bryn existed long before that..but what do you mean who am I?"  Dr Facebook placed his glasses back onto his nose slowly and looked out the window, hands clasped behind his back.  "You only think you are Bryn Oh.  We suspect you are really someone else.  Please Bryn I would like you to leave my office. I can not be seen with you anymore.. not unless you can prove to me that you
The first picture I posted to Facebook
really are Bryn Oh and not some sort of pod that was placed under a bed which then snatched your body"  "But Doctor!.."
I implored with frightened eyes.  He didn't reply nor even look at me and so I turned slowly and left his office.   I don't know how long I wandered but it was at least a few minutes.  I sat on a park bench and watched people filming a squirrel trying to eat a giant donut.  It put the donut, possibly a chocolate glazed, in its cheek and its cheek got really big and funny looking.  That will be on facebook later I thought to myself... but I might not be there to see it.  I have to watch it in stinky real life.  How will people know if I like it?  I guess I could smile or say to the old man feeding the pigeons beside me "Hey old man I like that!"  But that sounds kind of weird and what if he started talking to me and we had to have a conversation?  What if I didn't want to talk anymore and said "Oh someone is at the door! gtg!"  He would still see me sitting there and know there wasn't really someone at the door.  I suddenly felt like a spacetronaught who fell off their spaceship with just a big quiet void around them.  And maybe their radio didn't work because space sand or something got in it and so they couldn't talk to anyone.  That was me.. a spacetrofuckingnaught.  A tear slowly rolled down my cheek.  I thought back to the earliest things on my timeline.  I remembered Shannon Clark and how she broke my wall cherry.  She wrote "Yaaay *pops your wall cherry!*"  I didn't reply but maybe I should have.  I should have said "haha" with a smiley face but I didn't and now its too late.  Little did we know that in just five years I would be diagnosed with pseudonymopia.. better known as fake name syndrome.
     I looked at the next thing on my timeline from so long ago.  It was a post by me saying "what have i got myself into?".   I then replied to my own post saying "great comment bryn".  Then I replied to myself yet again saying "yeah i agree with bryn that was great".  Marjory Jasmin Paganelli liked both comments but Aino Baar only liked the second one.  Olga Zee said ":))" which means she really really liked my comments more than just a :).  Marjory then replied "don't worry; be happy". . .a famous quote".   I actually already knew it was a famous quote but it was nice of her to say.  Another tear ran down my cheek as I realized that I would never again have this type of conversation.  I decided to myself on that bench that yes.. I won't worry and I will be happy for the next seven days.
     Dear reader.. well dear reader on Facebook not on Blogger.. I am surprisingly healthy on Blogger, Youtube, G+ and others.. but you who are on Facebook.  Don't be sad for me.  I led a full life on Facebook watching cat videos and being poked and poking back.  I am going to try to figure out what the Doctor meant when he said I was not Bryn Oh, and I fear that I may become weaker as the days pass.. but I will try to solve this mystery.

Love
Bryn Oh
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